As sure as the sun, there are myriad materials proliferated in the career coaching world about how to put your best foot forward and “thrive” in your job.
So-called experts publish books, articles, and what have you telling you that the key to success in your job starts and ends with you. That as long as you show up, ready to work, eager with a “positive mindset” you will be fine. That the answer lies in your ability to find a mentor, be assertive, be-be-assertive, make a vision board, find key people, schedule coffee dates, say yes yes yes, lean in, do good work, be a team player and on and on and on.
And yet, this is often wrong. Because, sometimes what needs to change is not the individual — it’s the workplace.
Sometimes workplaces are just plain toxic. Bullying is a thing. As is racism and sexism and ableism and homophobia and a whole host of other -isms. Competition can bring out the worst in people. People are tired. People are burnt out. People come to work to avoid a whole host of personal issues and sometimes those people are in positions of “power.” Sometimes those issues are projected out. Sometimes their subordinates bear the brunt.
Which is to say, you could Do All the Right Things and still have a situation that is not right for you.
And I’m here to remind you that that is not necessarily a YOU problem.
Rather, those hard-driving, wanting-to-be-inspirational guides may leave out a hallmark of reality: life can be unfair, and it can be unfairer for some.
Rather, sometimes there is no level of leaning in, being a team player, doing good work, or showing up with bells on, that will resolve this reality.
And that’s not a sign of your failure. That’s a sign of a workplace not being for you. Sometimes, but not always, it’s a sign that the people you work for are just no good. There are, after all, bad people. And there are good people who do bad things.
Whatever the reason behind it, when that is your experience, you are harming yourself to wring your hands over how you could do “better.”
In those situations, the best advice you can give to yourself is to find ways to leave. Or, if you need to stay, realize that you are doing the best you can do and that it isn’t your responsibility to change anyone else.
You’ll know which is which. My point here is that for many, many people — especially people of color, especially women of color — it’s all too common for the problem to be the workplace and not with the individual.
When we devote so much time and energy to the magic set of activities or words on “how to get ahead,”we obscure this truth. We also confuse and damage the self worth of so, so many people.
If you think you might be in this situation, here is what I would encourage you to do:
- Be honest with yourself about your experience and how you feel about it.
- Seek allies outside of the workplace to support you.
- Make a plan to leave if necessary; enlist others to help.
Let’s move away from this perspective. Instead, let’s embrace the idea that you, dear reader, might not be the problem.
Michele writes on many topics, including career and workplace challenges. For more ideas and inspiration, check out her Patreon page here.
